he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize