I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the condom got lost in my hair
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
