he wants to bone in the snuggie
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
