Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
