The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
