I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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