Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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