What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
