So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
