If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You left your phone here
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