when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
They took my balls.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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