I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
