hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
