Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
