3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
