guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
