i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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