I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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