but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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