I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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