she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No more Irish car bombs ever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
