I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
