Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
