i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
