I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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