What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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