saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
