I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
