where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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