whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
