I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize