i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
