The maid of honor just puked.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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