can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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