I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Houston, we have a squirter
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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