All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
the raccoons are back...
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