the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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