Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
