Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
