I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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