just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
