Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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