I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
