Well douche your snatch and let's go!
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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