The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize