had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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