remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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