So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
