I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
