Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
