Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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