My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
