This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
