I puked a lego.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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