Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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