i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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