did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He shit in the fireplace
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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