btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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