Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I love you.
Bad choice
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
