Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
