Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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