Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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