Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
