So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
