Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
