the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Who died my cat blue again?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize