I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
