Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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