Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Pants are for mortals
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
