You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
