Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
