Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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