I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
