There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
