Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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