how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize