mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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