All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
