I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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