You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
