did you get engaged???
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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