I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
