You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
