Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
