Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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