im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
