Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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