dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
