So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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