You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
